Closing Walls
by sleeping-dragon96
Summary: Sirius doesn't know how much longer he can take staying in Grimmauld Place. Remus doesn't know if he'll ever be enough to help Sirius.


A/N: Prompt by Batgender on tumblr.

wolfstar prompt: the order of the phoenix finding out about their relationship by walking in on them kissing at grimmauld place

Let's be honest though, the Order most definitely already knew about their relationship and were taking bets on how long it would take for them to reunite.

Sirius felt like the walls were closing in on him. Harry and the other kids had returned to Hogwarts the month prior, the members of the Order had been placed around the country and yet Sirius was still left inside the Grim Old Place. Sirius had continued to clean the house even though Dumbledore had agreed it was now restored to its former glory. While his room remained the mess it had been when he had first left it, the rest of the house was clean and proper – just the way his mother liked it.

The first week alone in the house had resulted in Sirius sleep-deprived, angry and ready to jump off the roof. He couldn't sleep because every time he closed his eyes the walls would move in on him. Every time he switched the bedroom light off he'd hear footsteps that belonged to a man who was long gone, storming towards his room as he shook like he had when he was a child. When the room was so dark he couldn't even see the outline of his hand right in front of his face, he'd be sent back to Azkaban and he couldn't sleep with the risk of the Dementors sucking his soul.

Sirius was angry because once again he was stuck in this house except this time there were no Potters to escape to. Everyone was out fighting the war and he was stuck in the hell hold he had tried so hard to leave behind. He felt like he was Lames 2.0, hiding from the world but this time there was no baby to make the time go past.

Being trapped in the house where he spent his childhood abused, being unable to help fight the man who killed his best friends and going stir crazy from doing nothing; no wonder why Sirius wanted to jump off the roof.

By the end of the second week, Remus had moved in with him. He had walked into the house in the middle of the day to find Sirius sleeping in the living room. The light meant that Sirius wasn't reminded of his cell, the living room didn't remind him of his father breaking his door down and the walls seemed to be solid in the living room as well; it was the best place and time to sleep. Remus had taken one look at his broken friend and promised right there and then he'd not leave him again.

It had been strange at first, living together for the first time in over a decade. It was even harder seeing as they both had been avoiding the talk they both knew needed to be had. Sirius still knew exactly how Remus took his breakfast tea. Remus remembered how Sirius needed to be woken up precisely three times within fifteen minutes or he wouldn't be getting out of bed until the afternoon.

The morning of the Order meeting, Remus forgot to wake Sirius up exactly three times within twenty minutes. He was too busy sneaking out of Sirius' bedroom in the early hours to remember that he would have to wake him up later. They were still yet to have the talk but apparently they didn't need to talk to show that yes, they were both still totally interested in one another.

An hour before the meeting was to begin; Remus was counting to make sure there were enough chairs when Sirius finally emerged from his bedroom.

It only took one look at his he-didn't-know-what-anymore to notice that Sirius was remembering the events of the previous war. Remus was able to keep going when he remembered, he had spent his whole life learning to accept the horrors that the world brings. Sirius couldn't move on, he would spend hours and even days remembering. He couldn't deal with it.

Remus wondered if he was enough to help Sirius through it all.

"I hate this place, I bloody hate this place," Sirius was repeating under his breath as he walked around the walls; his hands dragging along the wallpaper as he did so.

Sirius stopped suddenly and for a moment Remus wondered if maybe Sirius had finally noticed Remus was in the room. It wasn't like Remus was hiding, he was almost dead centre in the room but Sirius still was yet to acknowledge him. Instead Sirius began to pace, one side of the room to the other over and over and over again.

"One, two, three, four, five, six," Sirius touched the wall again before spinning around, "one, two three, four, five, six."

Remus watched as Sirius did this several times, it was by the third time he realised what he was doing; counting his steps to check to see if the walls were really closing in on him. Remus had never wished for James to be alive more than he did right then. James would know what to do; he had always known what to do when Sirius had been consumed with thoughts of his parents. Remus only knew how to comfort him with physical touch; he didn't know how to do it with just words. And after last night, Remus wasn't sure how Sirius would react to his touch. Remus had no clue if Sirius was regretting the reunion or not.

After about the sixth lap, Remus had had enough. Stupidly enough Remus had thought that by stepping in front of Sirius he would stop him; he should've realised Sirius would just try to walk through him. With his hands out, Remus grabbed Sirius by the shoulders to prevent both of them from falling over.

"Stop," Remus said, using the voice he tried to use when he was teaching at Hogwarts. "The walls aren't closing in, you're safe, you're fine."

Sirius shook his head, not meeting Remus' eyes. "They are, I can feel them, can't you feel them?"

It was Remus' turn to shake his head, "Sirius I am here and you are safe."

"We should be out there and helping everyone, yet here we are inside and being completely useless," Sirius sounded just like James had when they had all visited one night. It was entirely different though. Remus and Sirius were locked up because they were a risk and currently useless to Dumbledore's current plan. James and Lily were locked up because they had a baby on the way who was prophesised to destroy the so called Dark Lord. Lily and James had a valid reason, Remus and Sirius did not.

"When they need us-"

"-When they need us my ass," Sirius interrupted, "they don't need us Remus, when will you understand that they don't need us?"

"We were pretty damn useful in the last war," Remus was still holding onto Sirius, neither of them had made any movement to change that position, "I managed to stop some werewolves from turning to Voldemort and you managed to save hundreds."

"You may come in use again but not me. No one needs me."

"I need you."

It had slipped out before Remus could stop it. Finally Sirius made eye contact with the man in front of him. Sirius wondered exactly when they stopped looking like boys and finally into men. He knew it was when they were separated due to Peter Pettigrew's betrayal. He knew it was when they were supposed to be preparing their lives of growing old together.

In that moment, Sirius didn't need to talk aloud with what he felt with Remus. It was clearly written all over his face. Sirius had known Remus nearly all his life and knew him better than he knew anyone alive in this world. It was clearly written all over his face too.

Sirius wasn't sure who initiated the kiss but in the end it didn't matter.

What did matter was that just as Sirius had started to take Remus' shirt off there was the sound of something being dropped. Immediately the pair sprung apart, almost flying to opposite ends of the room.

Sirius couldn't help but remember how James had found out about the two of them due to an accidental walk in. Sirius couldn't help but be thankful that Harry was away in Scotland and couldn't find out the same way as his father.

Molly and Arthur Weasley were standing at the door, a box full of frozen dishes at their feet. Remus was closest to the door and could see that there were several other members behind the couple, all laughing at the sight they had walked in on. Severus Snape was somewhere in the mix and had his usual facial expression of distaste and hate. Remus knew it was more from the sight of seeing his old bullies and not the fact he had – once again – witnessed them snogging.

"If everyone would please keep walking instead of creating a blockage in the door that would be appreciated," Professor McGonagall called out, encouraging everyone to stop passing money around from winning or losing their bets to take a seat. Professor McGonagall winked at two of her favourite students as she came into the room both of whom were still silent and in shock of being caught by even Professor McGonagall.

"Honestly boys, you couldn't have waited one more week before allowing yourself to get caught? This is the second time I've lost to Dumbledore because of you two."

With a quick look at Sirius across the room, Remus could see the traces of a smile across his face. Through the slight aging, Remus saw the boy he had fell in love with so many years ago.

"Sorry McGonagall," Sirius winked at Remus, "you try telling him to keep his hands off me."

Remus sighed, walking away from the wall to find a seat. "I suppose asking you to remain serious during this meeting will be worthless won't it?"

Sirius was suddenly next to Remus as they both sat down at the table. More members of the Order were coming in, of course everyone decides to arrive early the one morning Remus wishes they wouldn't, and Remus could hear everyone was whispering about the fact Remus and Sirius had finally gotten back together.

"Absolutely because the only thing I'm serious about is you."

Remus almost groaned but held it in; somehow over the years he forgot that Sirius could be sentimental and sappy. Some days he could be even worse than James was with Lily. Sirius quickly kicked Remus under the table, just like he had at the Great Hall.

"Yes, yes, okay, I'm serious about you too."

Sirius smiled at Remus so brightly that Remus wondered if Sirius realised that even with the darkness that plagued his mind, he would always be the lightness in Remus' life.


End file.
